How God loves us

I'm so thankful for how much God loves us. Without His love we would not be able to get through the hurt of missing Gracie...

Not too long ago I walked out to the mailbox and as I looked through the mail, my heart was saddened.

First piece of mail was from Fairhaven memorial park and mortuary, they wanted to see if we would make a donation. Instantly I was brought back to the day we were at the mortuary after Gracie’s passing. Although I was still in shock, I can remember perfectly sitting across from the woman that was helping us with our arrangements. The woman gently asked if we had decided what we were going to do with Gracie's precious little body...would we need a casket or urn? We of course knew that her spirit was now with Jesus, but having to make such a decision with our sweet baby girls body that we just held tight and tucked in bed the night before was too unbearable. I remember feeling numb. I remember feeling like I was in a dream, a horrible nightmare and all I wanted was to wake up and have it all erased. Her next statement came as a dagger, “You should be receiving Gracie’s death certificate within a couple weeks.” How could this be, how is it we were talking about a death certificate, when all I wanted to remember was how happy I was the day I received her birth certificate.

As the tears came down, I put the piece of mail in the trash, closed my eyes and said a prayer. To distract myself I continued on with the mail.

Next piece of mail came from CHOC. It was an invitation to a “remembrance ceremony” they were having a gathering for those who lost loved ones. CHOC is where we had to say goodbye to our precious baby girl. The subject of the day Gracie passed is too difficult to share however, we feel that if things were handle differently the day Gracie passed, she would still be here with us today.

As I opened the trash to discard the invite, I reminded myself that to doubt that day would be to doubt God. We trust in Him completely and know that with God all things work together for His good. Romans 8:28 Then I needed to remind myself of Pslam 139:16

Gracie girl...always in our heart

I walked into my room and had a good cry. It’s difficult to force yourself out of your sadness, sometimes it is simply impossible however, nothing is impossible for God. He alone can lift us out of our darkness and He was faithful and lifted me out of mine. So I came out of my room, sighed..and then went to pick Luke up from school.

When Luke jumped in the car he was happy to start sharing all his bible verses he has been learning at school. Coincidence? I think not. Took a moment to thank God for using Luke and his wisdom to help brighten my afternoon.

Although, Luke's sweet words worked for some time, I still felt like I was in a "funk." It was a place of sorrow and I felt like I could not get out of the feeling. So I forced myself to do what I always do when I am in that place, which is to think of all our blessings God continues to bestow upon us.

I started to reflect on all the amazing things that have happened recently.....

Luke has continued to grow mentally, physically and emotionally and what a blessing it has been! We love him so much and enjoy how much he is maturing. His heart is so big and full of love.

His excitement to learn and have fun is so amazing to witness. He absolutely loves his new school, teacher and new friends.

Luke with his teacher, Mrs. Gatchell

we just love her!

He loves to ride his bike, learn, play games, play catch and watch sports with Adam, read with both of us and absolutely adores his sister! He is still struggling on and off with his vomiting, but other than that he is doing very well. His last cardiologist appointment went great and it will be another four months until we have to go again. Such a blessing! He occasionally talks about Gracie and just the other day he asked, "mom, how long can Gracie hold my spot in Heaven?" I said, "for eternity buddy."

Now on to Little Miss Abbey.....

Oh my goodness, she is definitely the wild child. She is so lovable, sweet and honoree. She started walking a couple of months ago and is tearing apart the house. I’m starting to think it is better to be out in public so she can be the little explorer she wants to be. She says, no, yah, ma, da and then screams for everything else. ;-)~ She loves for me to read books to her, loves to hang out with her daddy and absolutely adores playing with Luke. Most of all she loves and I mean loves to dance! Unfortunately, she does not like to shop like her momma, hopefully that will come soon enough. She is really going to bring back some craziness in this house and we definitely welcome every bit of it.

A very special blessing health wise is, Abbey loves to eat! Wish you could know

how amazing this is for us. To witness a child who does not have pain or discomfort

when they eat is such a huge blessing! Abbey tries anything you put

in front of her and we love every minute of it!

Her heart is doing well and her next appointment will be in December. Such a blessing!

So you see, we may be brought to our knees often as we ache for our sweet Gracie, but God's grace always brings us back to where we need to be. Which is at peace with her now being with Jesus and focusing on our blessings we still receive. I've always said, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to miss your child and it is definitely okay to ache for their presence however, it's important to not wallow in the sorrow. God never leaves us, He loves us too much! God gives us the balance we need and without His love we do not know where we would be.

Please help us in praying for healing on our hearts as we spend the Holidays missing our Gracie. Please pray God continues to give us strength as we enjoy this time with Luke, Abbey and our family we love so much. We do love the Holidays and we make them very special for the kids, sometimes it just takes a little more praying at this time of year. Thank you in advance for all your love, prayers and support!

Irvine Park Pumpkin Patch

May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and don't forget

to share all that you are thankful for! We tend to get lost

in the Holiday season, be sure to remember time with

your family is very precious.

Thank you for checking in. All our love, Chez Family