How God loves us

I'm so thankful for how much God loves us. Without His love we would not be able to get through the hurt of missing Gracie...

Not too long ago I walked out to the mailbox and as I looked through the mail, my heart was saddened.

First piece of mail was from Fairhaven memorial park and mortuary, they wanted to see if we would make a donation. Instantly I was brought back to the day we were at the mortuary after Gracie’s passing. Although I was still in shock, I can remember perfectly sitting across from the woman that was helping us with our arrangements. The woman gently asked if we had decided what we were going to do with Gracie's precious little body...would we need a casket or urn? We of course knew that her spirit was now with Jesus, but having to make such a decision with our sweet baby girls body that we just held tight and tucked in bed the night before was too unbearable. I remember feeling numb. I remember feeling like I was in a dream, a horrible nightmare and all I wanted was to wake up and have it all erased. Her next statement came as a dagger, “You should be receiving Gracie’s death certificate within a couple weeks.” How could this be, how is it we were talking about a death certificate, when all I wanted to remember was how happy I was the day I received her birth certificate.

As the tears came down, I put the piece of mail in the trash, closed my eyes and said a prayer. To distract myself I continued on with the mail.

Next piece of mail came from CHOC. It was an invitation to a “remembrance ceremony” they were having a gathering for those who lost loved ones. CHOC is where we had to say goodbye to our precious baby girl. The subject of the day Gracie passed is too difficult to share however, we feel that if things were handle differently the day Gracie passed, she would still be here with us today.

As I opened the trash to discard the invite, I reminded myself that to doubt that day would be to doubt God. We trust in Him completely and know that with God all things work together for His good. Romans 8:28 Then I needed to remind myself of Pslam 139:16

Gracie girl...always in our heart

I walked into my room and had a good cry. It’s difficult to force yourself out of your sadness, sometimes it is simply impossible however, nothing is impossible for God. He alone can lift us out of our darkness and He was faithful and lifted me out of mine. So I came out of my room, sighed..and then went to pick Luke up from school.

When Luke jumped in the car he was happy to start sharing all his bible verses he has been learning at school. Coincidence? I think not. Took a moment to thank God for using Luke and his wisdom to help brighten my afternoon.

Although, Luke's sweet words worked for some time, I still felt like I was in a "funk." It was a place of sorrow and I felt like I could not get out of the feeling. So I forced myself to do what I always do when I am in that place, which is to think of all our blessings God continues to bestow upon us.

I started to reflect on all the amazing things that have happened recently.....

Luke has continued to grow mentally, physically and emotionally and what a blessing it has been! We love him so much and enjoy how much he is maturing. His heart is so big and full of love.

His excitement to learn and have fun is so amazing to witness. He absolutely loves his new school, teacher and new friends.

Luke with his teacher, Mrs. Gatchell

we just love her!

He loves to ride his bike, learn, play games, play catch and watch sports with Adam, read with both of us and absolutely adores his sister! He is still struggling on and off with his vomiting, but other than that he is doing very well. His last cardiologist appointment went great and it will be another four months until we have to go again. Such a blessing! He occasionally talks about Gracie and just the other day he asked, "mom, how long can Gracie hold my spot in Heaven?" I said, "for eternity buddy."

Now on to Little Miss Abbey.....

Oh my goodness, she is definitely the wild child. She is so lovable, sweet and honoree. She started walking a couple of months ago and is tearing apart the house. I’m starting to think it is better to be out in public so she can be the little explorer she wants to be. She says, no, yah, ma, da and then screams for everything else. ;-)~ She loves for me to read books to her, loves to hang out with her daddy and absolutely adores playing with Luke. Most of all she loves and I mean loves to dance! Unfortunately, she does not like to shop like her momma, hopefully that will come soon enough. She is really going to bring back some craziness in this house and we definitely welcome every bit of it.

A very special blessing health wise is, Abbey loves to eat! Wish you could know

how amazing this is for us. To witness a child who does not have pain or discomfort

when they eat is such a huge blessing! Abbey tries anything you put

in front of her and we love every minute of it!

Her heart is doing well and her next appointment will be in December. Such a blessing!

So you see, we may be brought to our knees often as we ache for our sweet Gracie, but God's grace always brings us back to where we need to be. Which is at peace with her now being with Jesus and focusing on our blessings we still receive. I've always said, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to miss your child and it is definitely okay to ache for their presence however, it's important to not wallow in the sorrow. God never leaves us, He loves us too much! God gives us the balance we need and without His love we do not know where we would be.

Please help us in praying for healing on our hearts as we spend the Holidays missing our Gracie. Please pray God continues to give us strength as we enjoy this time with Luke, Abbey and our family we love so much. We do love the Holidays and we make them very special for the kids, sometimes it just takes a little more praying at this time of year. Thank you in advance for all your love, prayers and support!

Irvine Park Pumpkin Patch

May you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving and don't forget

to share all that you are thankful for! We tend to get lost

in the Holiday season, be sure to remember time with

your family is very precious.

Thank you for checking in. All our love, Chez Family

10 Year Anniversary

Dear Adam,

In the past ten years we....

were engaged in Paris

Married 10 months later

Purchased our first home

Remodeled the home

Sold the home

Had to put our sweet doggy down at 6 years old due to cancer

Purchased a new home

Tore it down

Built our dream home

Traveled throughout Europe for a month

Were blessed with three beautiful children

Started a non-profit organization Hopeful Hearts

Had to say goodbye to both my grandparents

Have been through Eight open heart surgeries with our children

Have been through countless tests and procedures for our children

Have had to witness the pain and suffering our children have had to go through

The most difficult of all...had to say goodbye to our sweet beautiful princess Gracie

Have learned what it is like to feel completely helpless on our knees begging for God to relieve the pain just so we could breathe

Have in return witnessed God’s Grace and His deep love and compassion for us

The day we married I knew I was marrying my soul mate. We were different in so many ways, but I believe that is why we fell so in love. The day I wrote my vows and read them to you, I knew God hand picked you for me and that you would forever be my husband.

The love we felt seemed like it was invincible and that nothing would ever endanger it. In my heart I knew that marriage was not easy but I felt there was nothing we could not make it through together. I never ever expected we would of been challenged in the way we were....

Our life has been absolutely amazing at times and I cherish all the beautiful memories we have created. At the same time our marriage has been challenged in so many ways and we have had very difficult seasons. Some that I was unsure if we would pull through. However, one thing we have always shared is WE cannot make it through this journey together on our own. We both share our commitment that we made before God and we know that, "with God all things are possible" Matthew 19:26

As much as you drive me crazy, I love you more. As we have gone through many good and bad times there are a few things I am certain of....I love you with my whole heart. I love the way you love God, me and our children. I feel so blessed that you are an amazing provider and you always are supporting us with everything you have. You are no doubt a big pain at times however, you are my life and without you I could not be. When we have reached our lowest point we have always came out stronger. The bond that we have been blessed with is such a special gift....We make a perfect team...and as we continue down this journey together, I am certain if we put God first, our marriage will continue to be blessed. Thank you for who you are and for all you do.....I will love you forever!

Happy Anniversary!

Dear God,

Give us the strength and courage to follow Your will,

To trust in You in the valley as we do upon the hill

Be in this marriage in a special way,

may we feel your presence in every day.

author unknown

"So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." Matthew 19:6

Psalm 121:2

There have been so many times in the last five years that I wished I could have had a remote control for my life. I’ve so badly wanted to rewind to a special time, pause in a great moment, go in slow motion so I could savor the experience, and lastly there have been times that I’ve wanted to fast forward a time of pain.

Since our vacation in April things have been so wonderful for our family. We have been so very blessed with amazing moments with friends and family and many great times. The kids have been healthy, we have been non-stop with fun activities and have tried our best to savor every moment. Although, Gracie is missed daily God has really helped our hearts to enjoy this special season that he has given us.

Spring and Summer were always my favorite seasons now I realize more than ever, it may always be that way. I’m so thankful for the time we had and as we approach this new season I will continue to pray that God helps us through a time where our hearts may get more heavy then normal.

Fall and Winter while I enjoy things about them, they are definitely the most difficult for us. They bring upon many memories and the holidays, while we still rejoice in them, they are difficult to celebrate without our sweet baby girl.

As we approach Luke’s first day of Kindergarten my heart is filled once again with so many mixed emotions. While I am so very excited for him to start this new chapter in his life, I can’t help but think about what it would of been like for Gracie to be starting it with him. I’ve never been one to look too far into the future, but I always used to think about what it would be like for them to start school together. The other difficult part is we will be meeting new friends, ones that don’t know "our story.” When your loved one goes to be with Jesus, it’s so difficult as time passes because you don’t want to let go of who you were. All our new friends will know us as Adam, Terra, Luke and Abbey. Of course in time they will learn of Gracie, but they will have never have known her and the life we had with her. It almost feels like each time a new change/chapter comes, it is as if we are having to let her go all over again and sadly it hurts and brings much pain. Thankfully God meets us at our pain when we reach out to Him.

Oh how I am so thankful that at times like this we do not have to be alone....how great to know while we are having all these emotions we can go to our Lord for help.

We will forever be grateful that "Our help comes from the Lord, the Maker and Creator of Heaven and Earth." Psalm 121:2

While I wish I could fast forward this hurt, I know God is holding on to us and helping us grow closer to him through times like these. He will pull us through as He always does and on Luke's first day of school I will probably shed many tears. Tears of joy, happiness and excitement for him along with tears of knowing that even though I want Gracie there with Luke, she is where she is suppose to be.

Thanks for checking in. Until next time....

All our love

Happy 1st Birthday to our sweet girl

We did not think our hearts were ready...God did

We could not understand why He would take one daughter away to give another...God understood

We had no idea how much we needed her...God knew

"For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

On August 18, 2009 Abigail Elyse Chez entered our life and we were once again blessed with a miracle from God.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body, All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

God has given Abbey a beautiful spirit. She has lifted our hearts and soul. Her beauty, constant laughter, wonderful smile and amazing personality have filled us all with such great joy.

Photos Taken by: SEEN by LAM Photography

click HERE to see her amazing work

Happy 1st Birthday beautiful girl....we love you so much!

Dear God~We thank you for entrusting us with Abigail and we thank you also for the amazing blessing she is. We thank you for given us the peace of always knowing your plan is perfect!

Feeling Blessed

We all have life changing events that teach us a big life lesson. We were fortunate to receive so many from our sweet Gracie's precious life. One big one that she taught us was to....stop....pay attention...and hold onto to each special moment, big or small. What a special blessing among many that she left behind.

On May 9th I shared a post on “Joy in the midst of grief.” Since that post, I keep reminding myself happiness is a decision to trust in Gods power not merely our own. It's important to continue living and rejoicing in all our blessings we continue to receive. Memories of Gracie fill our hearts daily and I imagine, they always will. However, it's been so wonderful to be able to still have room to rejoice in all that we have received. Our faith continues to grow strong daily and with that we have witnessed just exactly what our faith can do!

Which is exactly why I LOVE the song that is playing. It speaks directly to my heart.

Chorus:

I've seen dreams that move the mountains

Hope that doesn't ever end

even when the sky is falling

I've seen miracles just happen

Silent prayers get answered

Broken hearts become brand new

that's what faith can do

When I was listening to the song the other day I started to reflect on how amazing things have been recently, so I thought I would share....

“Our little man Luke”

Health-

As for his heart, all seems to be well at this time. We had an appointment for Abbey last week and since Luke was with me the cardiologist did an exam on him and said, "clinically" Luke sounds great. His next appointment will be in a month. As for his GI issues. We (Adam, myself and his GI doctor) are pretty convinced after monitoring Luke's vomiting episodes, that he does in fact have CVS which is Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome. He is being treated with Cyproheptadine (which he has taken in the past) and it not only helps his appetite it has also helped with his vomiting. I never thought I would hear the words I did the other day...Luke said, "mom, thank you so much for that medication, it makes me feel so much better." Yay! A temporary cure! As I’ve always shared, Luke’s biggest challenge at this time is feeding, it will probably always be however, it’s nice to have some time where things are a little on the right track.

As for Everyday life-

We have been so thankful and have felt so blessed for all the fun we have been having. We have had many play dates with family and friends old and new, Luke and I had a mommy/son day at Disneyland, Adam recently taught him how to ride his bike without training wheels, he graduated from preschool, and he is becoming such a little man. It's amazing how much our hearts continue to expand with so much love for our Luke.

"Little miss Abbey"

Health~

So excited to report she had a wonderful Cardiology visit. Everything looks great and there is no longer any fluid on her lungs. Praise God for such wonderful news!

Every day life~

Oh my where to start. One of my favorite things recently has been the joy of watching her eat! After so many struggles in this department it is such an incredible blessing that we never ever take for granted. She actually loves it and does not bring it back up. Awww simply amazing! Her little personality is starting to show. She is as sweet as pie, but also has a little feisty side. (which I love) She is crawling all over the place, standing up on whatever she can and babbling away. Not sure if it is just a coincidence but whenever Adam walks in the room, she says “da da” it’s super cute. She is all smiles and we all just adore her!

We are so thankful for this season of joy that we are in....we are holding onto to it as we take day by day.

There is another song that I just LOVE and can't get enough of...it should be coming up next..."Blessed be your name" I never thought a sweet fast song could bring me tears...but who we kidding...everything these days brings tears. All the words are so perfect, especially the last few verses:

Every blessing you pour out,
I turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say...
Blessed be the name of the Lord

Blessed be your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, Blessed be your name

I think it brings so many tears because even though he has taken our sweet baby girl away, he still continues to gives. We would do anything to have Gracie back however, what a blessing to receive all he has given since he has taken her home.

It's amazing how many people he has put in our lives and for those that have been in our lives, it's amazing to see how close we have become.

In the last two months we have wanted to take the opportunity to spend time with family and friends, while the kids were doing so well. We have had a crazy busy schedule, but have loved every single minute of it!

Disneyland

Luke, me, Jake and Careen

Silly Faces

Luke was picked to participate in Jedi Training

Cousin Jaden and Auntie Bridget met us at Disneyland

Cousins...Luke and Jaden....Love this pic

Luke, Mason, Samantha and Abbey

We had a great night hanging out with the Guilline's

Kaelin and Luke

Kaelin is our very close Neighbor/Friends granddaughter

They are the cutest little couple....do you think it is to

soon to start thinking about planning their wedding? lol :)

My family I just adore with all my heart...the Ujkic's

Miranda, Abbey, Marissa, Victor Ryan and Luke

Luke and Zach

Luke playing mario cart with his best buddies...Zach and Max

Could it get any cuter?

Luke, Kathleen, Abbey and Ethan

Had the best lunch...miss them and hope to spend lot's of time together this summer

Mrs. Jones and Luke

Mrs. Jones is the director of St. Pauls where Luke went to preschool

Their constant love and support was so enduring to our family

it has meant so much to us to watch Luke grow, spirtually, socially and intellecutally

Lukes teacher Mrs. Luetto

Her constant loving and caring ways towards Luke and

our family will never be forgotten

Having some fun...last day of school

Fun at Irvine Spectrum

Zach, Koral, Luke, Madi and Max

Luke and Charlie helping Kelly get the Lemonade ready for Alex's Lemonade Stand

Luke serving Lemonade to help raise money for children fighting childhood cancer

The Taggart family and us...yep...they have six amazing children if you look

closely you will see their super hero in the background, John Kelly Taggart.

To read more about this amazing courageous little guy please click here

As John's daddy has always said, "John Kelly Taggart was the bravest person

he has every met." John went to be with Jesus on October 21, 2005, but his legacy

lives on...and we were honored to be a part of rasinging money in honor of John

and all children who battle against childhood cancer.

Lastly, another great blessing, is all the heart families we have met. I cannot tell you how amazing it is to have such an instant connection. A bond that holds us so close...how lucky we are to experience Gods hand at work.

Abbey and Addison

Addison: So I heard we were roomies at Lucielle Packard childrens Hospital at Stanford

Abbey: Really? Wow, you look so different

Addison: Yeah...that is what a few months does to you

Abbey: I think your mom wants us to take a picture

Addison: Ok, let's give her our best.......

The girls had a great time playing together!

Noah and Luke

They were neighbors for their last surgeries at CHLA. It brings tears to my eyes to see them in our pool together. The last time they saw eachother was over two years ago and Noah was sitting up in her bed when Luke had to try and walk for the first time afterhis surgery and she was saying, "Go Luke, you can do it!" she was the best cheerleader!

A new special friendship

We loved having the Michaelis Family over, it was a great day with much laughter!

The Michaelis Family is going to be putting on an event later this month:

"Noah's Festival of Life" all proceeds will benefit Hopeful Hearts

Such an honor....Will post the event first week of July

Lunch with the Synder Family

Another heart family I adore

Dana, Landon and Eric also have a little princess

awaiting them in Heaven. Luke and Landon share a special

bond...both their "twin" sissy's are in Heaven

We are so excited to continue our new friendship.

So as you can see....we have been so busy...I'm constantly giving thanks for all the special people God has placed in our lives and for the time at home with the children being healthy...what a great joy and blessing it has been...we love you all so very much and thank you for being so special!

Whatever it is that we are too loose, God first had to give.

he wounds, but he also binds up; he injures, but his hands also heal. Job 5:18

My heart will choose to say....blessed be His name.

Summer is here! Enjoy your families. Until next time...Terra~