Abbey's cardiologist have been concerned with her valve, arteries and pressures in her heart, so we are up at Stanford for a Catheterization which is scheduled for today at 7:30am. 

Our hopes and prayers are: 

-Abbey's Catheterization will be performed with no complications

-That her vocal chords {that are still healing from her first surgeries and procedures} will be protected and not damaged further as they will intubate her for the procedure {3-4 hours}
-That she takes the anesthesia well

-That they are able to dilate her pulmonary arteries and bring down her pressures, so there will not be a need for open heart surgery at this time.  

-That God protects her body from the high amounts of radiation for this procedure and all other aspects of the procedure

-Lastly that will feel Gods blanket of Love and perfect Peace

The heaviness of the realization that even though we were blessed with no surgeries for three years, our reality is...our children have heart conditions.  Surgeries and procedures will always be a part of our lives.  If Abbey does not have surgery tomorrow she will need one within the next two years. Pain and suffering is a part of all our lives.  We would give anything to take the place of our sweet babies having to go through what they have been through. 

Sadly fear and anxiety are pressing on us.  Too many post up surgeries, that feel like they were yesterday when you step back into the hospital.  Also,  we cannot help to think of Gracie and what we thought would be a routine visit, turned into events that have changed our lives forever.  We know Gracie was with Jesus, but leaving her sweet body at the hospital, the precious girl we held and loved on for 3 years, left a scar on our hearts forever.  

It makes me sad we let ourselves feel this way and let our minds go there.  However, truth is we live in a fallen world.  We are imperfect.  We grieve for Gracie and grieve the fact that our kids have to go through procedures and surgeries.  Thankfully, Our Hope is in Christ and Christ alone. Thankfully, we do not remain in the feelings of anxiety and fear.  And lastly thankfully we know these precious truths about our children's lives.

God is their personal creator 

God knows everything about our children before their conception

God is actively involved in their lives

He has a special plan for every life

Love. Psalm 139 as it holds all these truth. 

From the beginning we have always known that God has a unique plan and purpose for our children.  We know that we will never fully understand His plan or be able to comprehend His purpose, however we fully trust in Him.  God is sovereign. 

Thank you for your continued love and support.  

Love, Chez Family

Today marks the 5th year that our sweet Gracie went home to be with Jesus. 

Gracie’s earthly body is no longer with us, but her spirit is indwelt within our hearts.

Many things bring her to mind... 

When we walk by the special box with her earthly ashes 

When we see her face in a picture around the house

Whenever we look at our recent family photos

When we here a certain song that reminds us of her or our Heavenly Father

As we watch Luke grow older we still often think what she would of looked like and what her interest may have been

This year Abbey has a friend in class named Gracie.

In her dance class there are only 4 children two whom are twins 

Anytime we see twins

Whenever someone ask the question, “how many children do you have?”

The list is endless...her memory is never far from our hearts.  Her impact on our life has changed us forever.  God has used Gracie’s life to mold us in so many ways. 

We try not to focus on the events that took place January 9, 2008.  Instead on The anniversary Gracie went home to be with Jesus, we choose to believe in hope and know that  "God has a special plan for every life."  Deeply grateful for His love, comfort and promise of Eternity.  

A book that has always spoke directly to my heart is,  Safe in the arms of God by John MacArthur.

John MacArthur shares that through our trials, pain and suffering, God works through us and we will learn some eternal valuable lessons and grow spiritually and eternally.  There is so much truth to what is written because Adam and I feel so strongly that these are the very things we went through and still do since Gracie’s passing.. 

WE: 

Examine our own hearts

Put our full trust in the Lord 

Check our priorities in life 

Choose Hope

Evaluate what we love most

Place a whole new emphasis on praise and thanksgiving in our lives

Continue to lean on the Lord and ask Him to make us stronger and more able to persevere

Share our story which gives opportunities to minister to others 

Our hearts will always deeply miss Gracie however, what an eternal blessing to deeply feel all those things on a level we never knew existed.  

In the book John MacArthur also shares, "Scripture tells us that there are at least five keys to our being made whole after the death of a little one: 

Joy

Patience

Wisdom

A submissive will

A believing heart

Because it has been five years, I sometimes feel self conscious about talking about Gracie or feeling the way I do when missing her.  Then I remind myself OR God reminds me... We know God’s promises and He knows our heart.  We are able to feel Joy. Patience. Wisdom. A submissive will.  A believing heart. and yes, that does make us whole. Our hearts may not feel whole, but our spirits do.  Gracie is our daughter who lives within us and we need not to feel self conscious when sharing about her and her sweet special soul.

It's important not to dwell in our sorrow or let it take over in our hearts, thankful through His grace we do not.   We will, however, always keep Gracie's spirit alive in our hearts until we are reunited with her again. So thankful that we can have Gracie dwell within our hearts as we focus on our sweet little blessings, Luke and Abbey and their receiving the grace of Jesus.

“To be absent from the body” is “to be present with the Lord” (2 Cor. 5:8)  Our hearts have perfect peace in knowing God was Gracie's personal Creator, He personally planned her destiny and He alone is the author and the finisher of our lives.

Until we meet again....we love you Gracie girl and miss you fiercely, but our hearts will stay focused on eternity and when we will be reunited.  

Mommy and Daddy

Dear Gracie

Four years ago today mommy and daddy held you for the last time.  As we stood over the hospital bed rubbing your sweet soft skin, holding you and kissing your face we couldn't say goodbye.  It was not until mommy and daddy had to remind eachother that you were no longer here on earth.  It was only your flesh.  However, it was still your flesh that we held so tight every night, it was the same little body we loved on day in and day out.  When we gave you the last kiss on your forhead we whispered in your ear,  "you are now with Jesus, you don't have to imagine what He is like anymore...we will see you soon princess."

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted."  Matthew 5:4

As mommy has said before, we are all so very blessed that God chose you to be in our lives. You will always be one of our greatest blessings. It was through your life that we have been saved. You have brought us to a place where Heaven is not just a place in the sky and a far away thought, it has become our reality, to be in the presence of God in eternity with you is in our thoughts daily. Through you we have learned to become completely reliant on God, we continue to be on our knees asking for His compassion and grace. Although, we cannot comprehend why He chose to take you so soon, we do our best to “Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 Living this life without you here breaks our hearts, but we continue to trust in God’s ultimate plan and we are letting Him mend our hearts with His perfect peace.

We miss you so much Gracie Girl..

Our precious Grace Avery Chez went home to be with the Lord on January 9, 2008. Her strength and perseverance was shown through her everyday life, but it was her ever present smile that will leave an indelible mark on us all. She was the most amazing soul we have ever known and we are comforted to know that the same little girl that we held so tight is now in the Kingdom of God. 

Luke 2:11

As we miss deeply miss our sweet Gracie...

We are comforted in knowing that we have received the greatest gift of all...  

Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.  Luke 2:11

It is through Christ where we find eternal life.  


May you all enjoy this wonderful time with family and friends.

We feel so blessed for God's continued blessings that he bestows upon us.  May you all remember the reason for the season and have a wonderful time with your family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Abbey and Addi

Born just a week apart Abbey and Addi were roomates in the ICU at Lucielle Packards Childrens Hospital at Stanford.  Just over two years ago both of the girls were awaiting their open heart surgeries.  Nicole (Addi's mom) and I were busy doing our mommy duties.  Our relationship started with friendly smiles, from one heart mommy to another.


When I would hold Abbey and pray for her upcoming surgery, I couldn't help but to pray for our sweet little neighor Addi and her upcoming surgery as well.  


Then the time came. Surgeries. Then Cardio Vasicular Intensive Care Unit:

 Abbey

Addi

Although Abbey and Addi were no longer roomates, God had still created a bond.  Adam and I would often see Addi's parents in the hall and we would share a few words before heading in to see our sweet babies.  One day when Adam and I were switching off with Abbey, I walked by Addi's room.  As I was walking by I took a quick peek at Addi.  My heart was extremely heavy.  Although our paths may be different, Addi's mommy and I had something in common.  Our little baby girls had just faced open heart surgeries and were fighting for their lives.  I also know what it is like for a parent the first time they see their child like this.  It is more than heart breaking. It takes God's hands holding you up and breathing air into your body, so you can just breathe.  Tears were in my eyes as I ran into Nicole (Addi's mom)  I told her, "one day soon before we know it we will be at disneyland with our girls running around and having lots of fun."  

Not only have we remained close friends with this family, Abbey and Addi are little buddies and have had many play dates.  Most importantly....WE MADE IT TO DISNEYLAND!

Abbey and Addi are a true testimony of God's love and faithfulness.  For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

I'm so excited to see what God has planned for these two little miracles and I look forward to many years of friendship with Abbey and Addi. 

Our God is awesome

I'm kinda wishing I would turn off my computer and go to sleep because writing a post at 2:30 am may not be the best thing.  Especially coming from someone who has a hard time articulating what she is trying to say when she is completely rested.  Thing is, this can't wait.  It may not make much sense.  You may think I am just going on because I am so tired, but truth is sometimes you can't help but share how amazing our God is.  Some things just cannot wait until morning.  Well, I guess it is morning.  Anyways....you get the point.

What I want to share with you is how I am always in complete awe of Jesus.  When you make the most important decision of your life in accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour and when you believe that Jesus came on this earth, died for our sins and rose again so we may have eternal life, followed by repentance of your sins, renewal of your spirit and living Christlike, things start to happen.  Amazing things.

It's amazing to think God knocks on all our doors, it's just a matter of you letting Him in.  How blessed you will be when you do!

One of my friends last week was talking about prayer and obedience.  Not too long ago another friend was sharing how she really works on rejoicing in all her wife/mommy duties.

Let me just be honest.  Those are both pretty tall orders.  May not be for some and God bless you for that.  However, for others being obedient is not super easy.  Especially as women who are in charge of schedules and a million other duties we are called to.  I'm guessing as we mature in Christ being obedient gets easier.  As for the rejoicing and housework, I really struggle.  I don't know about you, but rejoicing and housework in my opinion should not even be in the same sentence.  Well, that is how I felt last week anyways.

My heart has been pretty heavy recently about many things.  However, nothing that God has not met me at.  Since there has been something very heavy on my heart and mind today I decided to pray heavily throughout my day.  I'm not great at praying, it's something I am working on, but today God heard many prayers from me.  All throughout the day.  Then this evening as I was cleaning the back of the house I started to feel that "complaining Terra" coming out.  It all started as I was cleaning the bathroom.  My mind went right to my friend....I was cleaning the sink, then the floor, then the toilet.  Having a six year old does not make cleaning the toilet any fun let me tell you!  However, since God had been listening to my prayers all day, I thought the least I could do is stop and rejoice.  Rejoice in the fact that I have a bathroom to clean up.  Rejoice in the fact that I have a six year old son to clean up after.  Rejoice in the fact that my job to take care of my home and family is one of the many great blessings God has given to me.

As I went on with my night, I couldn't stop thinking about this thing that was heavy on my heart.  I kept praying for God to help me think of a verse that would comfort me.  Nothing.  Nothing came to mind.  However, since my friends powerful word "obedient" has been weighing on my heart....I prayed and just gave it to Him and knew I would wait patiently for His response.  Sometimes we can wait forever for things and we may not see them this side of eternity and then there are the things that are answered within hours.  I crawled into bed, turned the lights on and opened up my computer.  There was an email from a friend. She felt led to share a verse and prayed for me and our family and told me to look up a verse.  The first amazing part of this story is how we reconnected.  Too long to share, but God had his hand in it.  The second amazing part is, that verse comforted me for tomorrow's cardiologists appointment with the kids.  BUT then it took me to two, not one, but two more verses that led me directly to scripture on the very same subject that was weighing on my heart throughout the day!!..  Not the appointment, rather the other thing that i was praying for God to help me think of a verse.  Is that not amazing!! I knew I could of went on to the computer and typed in the subject I needed help with, but it was very important to me that I was not being fed by own desire.  Did not want to get sent to the wrong verse.  I really needed Gods clear guidance on this one, it was extremely important and HE provided yet once again!  When you are blessed with Children you realize you never knew that you could experience such a deep love.  When you have a relationship with Christ the level of "deep love" takes on a new meaning.  Comfort like this can not be found by anything here on earth.  Everything else brings temporary comfort, yes it does, but not the same as eternal comfort.  Promise there is a difference!

I realize for those of you who even made it to this point are thinking, "really, is that it?"  YES, that is it.  I'm here to share our GOD is so amazing.  He answers prayers.  His love is so deep that it is beyond our own comprehension.  Pray. Be obedient. Then you will see Gods amazing love!

AND must we not forget, rejoice in all you do.  Feel blessed for having the opportunity to show your family how much you are grateful to be able to take care of them and your home. Lastly, I'm always feeling so grateful for my amazing relationships God blesses me with, so thank you to all those who are always encouraging me! We are called to encourage and love one another.  Bless someone today with your love and encouraging words, you never know what they are going through!!!

Okay..time for bed.  Have about 2 hours before I wake up for the day.

Please pray for tomorrows appointment.  Pray for Gods wisdom as the doctors look at all the test. Also, please pray nothing is urgent and that we get to be home for the Holidays.

Thank you yet again, for reading my ramblings...

God bless!

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:18


I've known this verse for some time however, it was not until Gracie went to be with Jesus that it seemed to always come up.  Whether I read it in a card, heard it from a friend or pastor, it seemed like every time I turned around there it was. 
I'm going to be honest and tell you, it was one I truly struggled with, so you can imagine my frustration as it kept coming up.  It could not of been coming up at a worse time. I was at the weakest point in my life, and the pain and hurt seemed so unbearable.  I remember saying, "God, how do you expect us to give thanks for the circumstances that we are in, is this really your will?  How do we give thanks as we are witnessing our children suffer in pain through their surgeries, appointments, over all health and lastly the most difficult, witnessed our baby girl passing away and then being separated from her."  "Is our faith and trust not enough?  Now you want us to be thankful for this pain and hurt?"


It took quite a bit of time, but I will never forget the day this verse came up once again and it finally sunk in my heart.  "I got it."  I remember crying and saying, "thank you Jesus for not giving up on me and thank you for helping us to see the light in your truth."
You see, we need not to be thankful that our children are suffering in pain, we need not to be thankful that we are separated from Gracie, but we are to be thankful for all His glory that has come from these circumstances.  To trust in God's will is to trust in it at ALL times, not just when we see it fitting.  


Sometimes like you, I find myself in circumstances that are difficult and some life changes that I would happily do without.   However,  we always come back to the realization that these very same circumstances are the ones that are followed by great blessings.  We have been blessed so much and our trust in God's will for us, is now our source of energy through all times. 


God also uses many of my family and friends, including the Nelson's (a family whom I love so much)  to remind me of the power of this verse.  I struggled whenever I thought of them and this scripture.  How do you give thanks when everyday is like running a marathon.  It brings tears to my eyes to know how much they have been through, but also how much God loves them.  Through their circumstances many of us have witness a bountiful of blessings that have come along with it.  They continue to give thanks to God and what a true testimony of faith they are!!  


Remember as you are walking through your circumstances filled with pain and trials, God never leaves us or forsakes us.  He is constantly working on us.  Consider it pure joy that He has chosen you!  As difficult as it is during the times when we feel we will not make it through our journey, God has something much bigger and greater on the other side.  Pay attention and trust in Him and He will give you a sneak peak at how amazing He and His glory is.  If we allow God into our hearts to do His work, we will be able to Give thanks for all of our circumstances.  


Much love,
Terra

Abbey turns 2!

 As we celebrated Abbey's 2nd birthday we were reminded once again.....

We did not think our hearts were ready...God did

We could not understand why He would take one daughter away to give another...God understood

We had no idea how much we needed her...God knew

"For I know the plans I have for you, "declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

In August, 2009 Abigail Elyse Chez entered our life and we were once again blessed with a miracle from God.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body, All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:13-16

For Abbey's birthday we went to Disneyland!  It was such a great day and Abbey was so excited!  Auntie Bridget and cousin Jaden helped make it a perfect day! It's a small world and the parade were her very favorite.  She absolutely loves Mickey.  We tried, actually begged, for her to get a picture with Minnie and she would not have it! Mickey is who she loves and so we took our family picture with Mickey.  She had the biggest smile and kept saying over and over, "Hi Mickey."  

Abbey is all personality.  She loves to laugh, dance, scream and boss us all around.  She has the happiest heart and she has brought so much joy to us all.  

During Luke's last school year I met a fun and very loving friend.  Her love for God and life exudes out of her. I was so excited to see what an amazing photographer she was and asked if she would not mind taking 2 year old photos of Abbey.  Although I was excited to capture this sweet time in Abbey's life, we could not help but to be reminded of the fact that this was the last birthday that we celebrated with our  Gracie.  I felt so safe with Becky and she was gentle with my emotions as she captured the sweetest moments of Abbey and what a miracle she is.  Thank you Becky, we love you!  To check out Abbey's photos please visit:  Becky Lew Photography Blog  

Thanks for checking in!

Chez Family

It's been a while ....so it's going to be a long one...

I remember the time in my life where I felt incomplete if I did not update my blog every week or two.  Many have asked where have you been?  It all started with writers block and for those of you who are unware of it's defition: 

temporary psychological inability to begin or continue work on a piece of writing.

Seems crazy coming from the person who cannot stop talking, right?  What I have come to realize is; those who cannot stop talking are the ones that ramble and those that ramble cannot aritculate their thoughts properly (at least in my case anyways) Therefore they go on and on, with the delete button to follow and then what happens?  Blank screen. 

So I've disappered to Facebook. A place where I could share a quick update and post some pictures within seconds. Facebook does not let me ramble.  With FB you are limited and can only write so much, so I have gotten used to it.  As much as I love facebook, this blog is my heart and I miss it. So, I am back for now.  However, it's been a while, so there may be some rambling.  

Let's start off with the fact that things have been pretty amazing lately. I know this goes without saying, but I feel better by mentioning it...Gracie is always missed deeply.  As a matter of fact, there have been some really difficult times as Abbey is approaching the age that we remember most about Gracie.  However, through the missing her we have been very aware of all the great blessings God continues to give us.  

Adam and I continue to put God at the center of our marriage. We have been really enjoying this season of our lives together.  Our trials and challenges, through God's grace have brought us so much closer.  All marriages have there season.  I'm so thankful to be in this one.  Adam is truly a an amazing husband and father.  More than ever I am a believer that if you put God first, your marriage will be blessed over and over.  

So with all that being said, the kids have been great as well.  Sometimes it is hard to believe that it has been over a year and a half with no hospital stays!  Some concerns, but not too serious. We have been enjoying every single moment of this time.  It feels weird, it almost feels like we are living someone else's life.  Does that sound crazy?  It's how we feel.  So...since the rambling is in high gear, let me just give you an update on the kids.

Luke:

Health-No vomiting for quite sometime.  So long ago in fact I cannot even remember! It's wonderful!  Still extremely limited diet, but we have added quite a few things along the way.  Not sure he will ever enjoying eating, but as long as we are not vomiting, we are rejoicing!

We have been seeing the cardiologists every 3 months and Luke has remained stable.  We felt that he may have to have a surgery this year, but not so sure that will be the case.  Will keep you updated.

Socially-He graduated from kindergarten and had the best school year. He has grown so much spiritually and academically.  His social calendar has been busier than the first 10 years of my life. He is enjoying all the things that 6 year olds enjoy and much more. It has been such a blessing to see him doing well and loving these innocent years.  

Abbey:

Health- Due to concerns with the narrowing of her valve, she had an MRI not too long ago. They are a little concerned with her pressures and her left ventricle is dialated.  Although there are some slight concerns, no action needs to be taken at this time.  However, he wants to monitor her very closely and we will need another MRI within three months.  Her energy level is extremely high and her coloring is great, which of course makes us feel good. 

Socially-she is a fireball!  One minute she is dancing and the next minute she is screaming.  She is a huge people person, of course she has her favorites, but mostly she just loves to interact with everyone. She is also a huge book lover!  We used to visit the library often, but she gets so excited when she is pretend reading that we had to change locations.  Now it is Barnes and Noble.  The helpers at church say she reads all the books and then plays.  Her and Luke bug eachother as much as they love eachother.  It's hard to believe she is turning two in two weeks!

Being the emotional person that I am, I tend to get teary eyed often thinking about blessed we have been.  So thankful for this time we have been given!

Thank you for checking in and sorry for the rambling. :)

All our love, Chez Family

Gracie's Journal

Not to long ago I ran across a journal I had written for Gracie...

After reading about a daughters greatest gift... Her mothers journal to her. I decided I wanted to do the same for Gracie. I started the journal when Gracie was 1 1/2 years old. It was important for me to share with Gracie all my feelings about what we had been through and how deeply blessed we were to have God choose us to be her parents. I shared with her that she was a special gift, perfectly created in the image of God. Many pages were about how much we deeply loved her...others were quotes and bible verses. It was my hope to have her always be comforted by Gods word. As I sit here and read her journal, she is now comforted not by Gods word, but by Him Himself. Simply Amazing. She is in the hands of her Rock, her Fortress and her Deliverer.

This journal tugs at the deepest parts of my soul...as I read what I wrote to her, I was reminded once again of how much I adored her. How deeply in love we were with our little princess. As I read page by page I found myself falling into complete despair...fresh wounds opened up once again...as parents all we want to do is protect our children...imagine not being able to...have you ever missed someone while they were away? Imagine if the missing never went away...

As I was feeling these emotions..I was finding comfort in the verses I shared with Gracie. The very same journal I created for her was now bringing me comfort.

My last entry in the journal was after October 2007, three months before she went to be with Jesus...

I'm so thankful for our God, I'm so thankful that....For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Dear God,

Thank you for your promise.

Thank you for your faithfulness.

Thank you for loving me and all my imperfections.

Thank you for covering our pain with your warm embrace

Thank you for restoring us

Thank you for loving your Children

Thank you for blessing me with Gracie

Thank you for keeping Gracie in your presence

Most importantly thank you for giving your Son, Jesus so that we may all have eternal life and once again be reunited with our sweet Gracie.

Love never leaves a mother's heart--

Sweet Gracie...

I will miss you always and love you forever

My soul, find rest in God;my hope comes from Him Psalm 62:5

Grieving does not have a time frame or a map...

Grief is such a strong word. Are we still grieving? I'm not sure how to answer that question. What I can explain to you is the deep pain that we have felt has been covered by God's love. When our hearts ache deeply for Gracie we find comfort from His spirit within us, scripture and His promises.

We are in perfect peace knowing Gracie is exactly where she is suppose to be. There is no amount of time that can pass that will make us miss her any less, we will always miss her. Through the loss of Gracie we continue to persevere and through this God has provided us with an inner strength we did not know existed. We feel we have such a better understanding of what eternal life really means. It gives us a deeper purpose. Through Gracie we have developed a relationship with God that we may never have had. There is not a day that goes by that Gracie is not deeply missed, she is a part of "us", but we will continue to live, laugh and feel blessed for what God continues to provide our family with.

I will always cherish this journal, it will always be a special way to remember Gracie.

Thank you once again for letting me share my heart.

All my love,

Terra