I usually try to stay away from writing an update when I am feeling the way I do, which is a little broken. The reason being, is that we all search for happiness right? No one feels comfortable when hearing that someone is hurting, sad and feeling broken. We all search for happiness, whether it be with our friends, family, children, work and so on. Being happy makes us feel good and hearing or being around those that are sad makes us sad. Which is why I was uncertain about writing this, I don’t like anyone to feel bad or sad for us...it’s much more rewarding to hear how great we are doing, how strong our faith is and how it’s all going to be ok. But reality is that is not how we feel “all” the time. This life hurts at times, but “it’s our life” and there will be times when we feel broken and times when we are rejoicing. Our purpose of this blog is to share our journey through it’s difficult and wonderful times.

After Abigails surgery as we were walking into the cvicu I could not help to feel as if the strength I had was completely leaving me with each step I took. When I walked through the door to see the familiar sight I felt my body give in to everything. How could anyone ever get used to it.
Also, as I mentioned before, we used to be a little stronger but after Gracie we just don’t carry the same confidence that everything is going to be ok. It just might not be ok....and I guess that is where God wants us....to be completely reliant on him...walking into to this how could you not. It’s just sometimes we don’t feel the strength and we feel like it’s just “enough” and that is where we are today.

This is a very private picture for me and I was very hesitant to put it on the blog, becuase she is in bed so vulnerable with chest tubes, breathing tubes and a total of 5 IV’s. However, it gives you a glimpse of what many families have to face....there child laying in a hospital bed. It’s like this whole seperate world in a hospital....and it’s important to realize how precious all our lives really are. When I look at Abigail here the only thing I hold onto is that I am looking at not only my child, but ultimately God’s child and although she may suffer her on earth I know God is holding her through each moment.  

The next evening while being at our baby girls bedside we heard a mother and father down the hall screaming with a desperate cry, they had just lost their 12 yr old (or so) daughter. That’s when all the walls came down as the cry was all to familiar and made me think of the day we had to let go of Gracie.  I wish we had the strength we used to have, I pray for it daily.  I know God will sustain us, it’s just hard being here right now.
Abigail~now has pretty much all her tubes and lines out and is just trying to adjust to her repair.  We have had a few setbacks and have struggled watching her loose complete interest in feeding, she struggles just to get an ounce down,  she has lost over 1 1/2 lbs, her eyes are sunken in and her body is so frail.  We had just 8 days of what it felt like to have a “healthy” baby who was completely thriving, making baby sounds, eating, and sleeping.  It’s hard to see her so different  now, it just breaks our hearts to be back to this place.   
One of the many difficult things we are now dealing with is knowing that we are going to be back  here in less than three months to go through the same thing except next time it will be a full repair which will be even harder on her sweet little body.


Our dear sweet friends the Nelsons shared this on our blog the other day...
“Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD 

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; 

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be fain.” -Isaiah 40:30-31
I keep it close to my heart..thank you for sharing.  You guys are inspiration and we love!

Please continue in helping us pray for Abigails healing and also for mine and Adam’s heart to stay guarded and fixed on the Lord.

Thank you for checking in and for pouring all your love out.

Lot’s of love, Terra