Pumpkin Patch fun~and sweet memories

My sweet precious Gracie~although you are no longer here with us, there is not a day or season that you are forgotten. We all miss you so very much. Our hearts will be so happy when we are with you again and it will be as if we were never apart. Mommy loves you princess!

Thinking back to sweet memories......

It would be unfair for me to say live each day as if you thought tomorrow may not come. It’s just not that realistic and besides to be that deep it would be simply exhausting. However, I do feel I can say during this season where things get crazy and you try to make it to every party and have the kids involved in every thing possible...be sure to just stop and take a moment as a family to enjoy your time together. Life is so precious and how quickly we can get lost in the daily grind. I wish we had more holidays and seasons with Gracie, but she is now in Heaven. God and Gracie have taught me so much about embracing life and each special moment and for that we will always be grateful. We will be creating new special memories with our sweet Abbey and Luke and will ALWAYS remember and cherish those spent with Gracie.

Update on Luke and Abbey coming soon, very soon promise :)

All our love,

The Chez Family

INDESCRIBABLE

in·de·scrib·a·ble (ĭn'dĭ-skrī'bə-bəl)

1. Exceeding description
2. Too extraordinary for description

Photograph by my very dear friend Dave Donovan

Indescribable moments:  

Listening to Luke’s laughter

Picking him up from his first day of school

Watching his first soccer game

Kissing him good night and good morning

In a quiet moment having him say, “mommy...I really love you”

Watching the deep bond between him and Daddy

Loving my baby girl Abigail beyond a measure I didn’t feel existed after Gracie

Holding her close and feeling her heartbeat against my chest

Staring at her precious face and little body 

Singing her to sleep

Witnessing her first “real smile”

Watching Luke kiss her, love her and protect her

Witnessing Adam fall deep in love with his baby girl

The ability to cherish each little moment and not worry about tomorrow as it has enough worry of it’s own

Feeling the love of family, friends and even those we do not know.

Knowing that God loves us enough to use us to encourage and inspire others leaving us the feeling that nothing is being wasted

Feeling God’s arms wrapped around us and never feeling alone in this journey

 

To finally be able to understand the words “rejoice in your suffering”

There will always be that void of not being able to:

Hold Gracie

Smell her skin

listen to her laugh

watch her grow

and on and on.....

The void cannot be filled with my new blessings however, it is filled with many memories of "indescribable" moments with Grace that will always remain in my heart until we see eachother again and God's comfort helps fill the void and knowing Gracie is safe with him.

I’ve been following a blog of Paul Cardall and like all the other blogs I follow, he continues to inspire me and keeps me focused.  I love this statement he shared:

There will be roads to take, and mountains to climb in our future.  Admidst our future joy, celebration, and happiness, we will face heart-ache, pain, and grief. 

He then quotes Neal Maxwell:  We have a Father in Heaven who loves us specifically and gives us things to do and, because he loves us, will cause us, at times, to have our souls stretched and to be fitted for a better world by coping with life in this world.  

My soul has been stretched and I do feel it is helping me cope with my journey in this world for that I am thankful.

We all make choices everyday on how we will spend the day...I give in to every emotion whether it be to laugh or cry~mourn or rejoice.  Today I’m choosing to rejoice and I am feeling blessed to have such indescribable moments in my life.

Would love to hear about your indescribable moments if you would like to share.  It's important to notice them, embrace them and enjoy them.

Here are some photos of our special moments: 

Luke- is doing really good. Feeding will always be a challenge, but he seems to always take in an adequate amount. He is loving school, soccer and visits from family. He will have his next Dr. appointment October 6th, with Dr. Skalansky (cardioligist).

Abbey-is enjoying the typical baby routine eating, sleeping and occasional playtime. I think she is really loving her family :) If I don't say so myself. She too will be seen October 6th with Dr. Skalansky. Her breathing has really improved whic in return means a tad bit more sleep in the Chez household.

Please pray for their health as the flu season approaches.

Grandpa Jim and Kendra purchased a brick that was placed in fornt of the Angel Stadium in memory of Gracie and today at the game they showed Luke where it was. He is pointing down to the brick that says, "Gracie Chez Love u 4ever." Gracie loved going to the games. She was a fan of every sport Daddy loved. Thank you Grandpa Jim and Kendra it was Very special!

Daddy and Abbey

Introducing Abbey to one of our favorite spots (corona del mar)

Grandma Love

My special guy

Luke's class~The adorable little girl 2nd row with the cute pink

skirt (2nd to left) is Bridget. She is such a doll.  Luke came home and

said, "mommy guess what Bridget asked me today?"  "if I had

Jesus in my heart."  He said, "yes I do." So cute!

The exact thing a mommy would love to hear!

Luke's soccer team

Go buddy!

Water break and pep talk from Dad

Abbey, Mommy and Kendra cheering Luke on from the sidelines

Grandpa was running up and down the sidelines

getting Luke pumped up.  Thanks Grandpa Jim!

Luke was so happy to have you there for him. 

Thanks for stopping by our post and for all the continued 

love and support.

All our love,

Adam, Terra, Luke, Angel Gracie and Abbey  

Back at Home

After a long night at the hospital we are back at home. As for little miss princess, she is doing great! After Abigail's procedure the Dr. came in and said, "good news," words we unfortunately don't usually get to hear. So, of course we were very excited. Then after hearing the news our feelings changed slightly. Sometimes your interpitation of good news varies from a Dr.'s opinion, BUT it was good news.
The results:
Abigail has Vocal cord paralysis and laryngomalacia. The hope is for the laryngomalacia to heal on it's own within a year or so. There could be a chance that it could affect her eating and breathing in the future so it will just have to be monitored. As for the vocal cord paralysis it is uncertain at this time how it will continue to affect her. For those of you who know Luke's voice (a little scratchy) well that is what can possibly happen to miss Abigail. This obviously will continue to be a big concern as we approach another procedure in a couple months. However, we will continue to pray about it and whatever voice miss Abigail has it will be beautiful to us, raspy or not :) Now for the news that was great, she has an adequate airway space. This was very important and we are so blessed that this was not compromised during her surgery. Now we will just need to be extra cautious going into the next surgery.

Abbey is excited to be home and already has been sleeping and eating perfectly. Which reminds me, she is eating so well! It is truly a blessing. The only challenge we have is that she still tires out and the other being, she burns more calories than the average baby due to her heart condition. We will keep an eye on her weight and fortify (add more calories) if need be. We are just so very thankful that she actually has a desire to eat! Luke and Grace never had that, so this is something very new and exciting for us. We pray we continue on this path. There is nothing like being able to feed a hungry child and to see her satisfied. Which may seem silly to some, but many heart moms are all too familiar with this constant struggle. So, we will continue to be back on the path of enjoying being home with our sweet Abbey.

Being at the hospital and on the same floor where Gracie passed, well no words can express how we felt last night. We shed many tears last night and it was such a hurtful private moment. I rather not go into the hurtful details, I am just so thankful that God is sovereign and he lifts us while going through moments such as last night. I sat in the room and thought, Lord I know you took Gracie home to be with you and then you blessed us with another baby girl with a heart condition, I may not understand or ever know why, so all I can do is trust in you and lay my heart and life in your hands. How wonderful to be able to give it all to him. Thank you God.

There is so much more I would like to share but at this moment the only thing on my mind is SLEEP! I'm going to try and get a little before Little man gets home from school.

Thank you for all your support, love and prayers. Also, I am always thanking my friends and family...now I want to thank my extended family. The ones who I share a special bond with, "heartmoms" and my "blogger friends." Many of you I have never met and yet I feel such a special connection with you all. Your encouraging, loving and honest messages mean so very much to our family. Through all of this we feel so blessed to continue witnessing Gods plan that he is orchestrating. What a blessing to know that God placed all of us in eachothers lives. Just beautiful! Your journeys make me cry, laugh, and rejoice. Thank you for sharing your lives and for following ours.

All for now...thank you for checking in. and GOD BLESS!
All our love

Back to the Hospital

I've been wanting to update everyone on how our home stay has been.  Also, wanted to share how much we have been loving Abbey being at home with all of us and wanted to share some photos.  Unfortunately, I have not had much time and now I am having to send out an update I wish I did not have to. We are heading back to the hospital and unfortunately not just any hospital, but CHOC (children's of Orange County)  we have not been there since Gracie passed away and I've always shared how much I never want to have to return there again. However, Abigails breathing has not improved since we have been home.  After visiting with Dr. Allevato (kids Pediatrician) she felt concerned with the breathing so she contacted an ENT (ear, nose and throat Dr.)  We had our appointment with the ENT today and he was also concerned and expressed this should be looked at immediately.  So, we scheduled her Laryngoscopy and Bronchoscopy for tomorrow (Thursday @ 4:15pm)  she will need to be put to sleep for this procedure and we will need to stay overnight.  Of course we were very disappointed, for a few reasons:

1.  We expressed our concern with Abigail's breathing to LPCH before leaving and they never suggested an ENT even though we were very concerned.  They said it should heal on it's own and to wait 3-6 weeks.  Which the ENT Dr. here expressed they should of had her seen immediately) ughh so frustrating!

2. We have to put Abigail to sleep once again. :(  This is so heartbreaking that she has to go under so soon after surgery.

I know this seems little compared to all we have been through, but we are just feeling frustrated because this should of been done earlier and we pray that everything goes well as our experience at this hospital "for us" has not always been great.  AND being there is just going to be very difficult for the both of us.  On January 9, 2008 when we walked out those doors without Gracie I said to myself I hope to never be back here.  BUT going to LA would be a little too difficult trying to get things done asap and apparently that is how quickly this should be done.

Please pray for a quick procedure, quick recovery time and that there is not too much damage done to the airways. Also, please pray for mine and Adam's heart to be guarded and the strength we will need as we walk back into the hospital where we had to say goodbye to our sweet Gracie.  Thank you for checking in and for your prayers.

Will let you know how it all goes.  After we get through this I will send some recent pics and updates

Lot's of love,

Chez Family

Home sweet home

We feel so blessed to tell you that we arrived home late Saturday evening.  Although we have to return in two months for her second open heart surgery, we are excited to be back home.  Luke, Grandma Laura and Grandma Marsha share the same excitement with us.  Abigail is doing well.   Unfortunately, she struggles while eating, which we are all to familiar with.  She still seems to be very uncomfortable and very sensitive to the touch.  Also, she is having quite a bit of difficulty with breathing.  When they extubated her they believe there was some damage done to either her vocal cords or it could be swelling in her air ways.  We were told to wait 3-6 weeks to see if it clears.  This of course is extremely stressful as we watch her try to sleep and eat. It’s like she is just gasping for air.  Please help us pray that this will heal on it’s own and that her vocal cords were not affected.  

We will also need to pay attention for heart failure and many other concerns until her next surgery.  Dr. Hanley has asked us to be extremely cautious in trying to avoid Abigail getting sick, it could be very dangerous with her current repair and could effect the next surgery. Which is difficult considering we have Luke (4) with school starting and of course anxious to get back to visiting friends.  Poor guy, he thought he used to wash his hands alot.....wait until now.  Lucky for us he is really good about not touching sissy’s face.  He loves to rub her head, tummy and kiss her forehead (which melts our hearts) 

We are so excited to see everyone and welcome visitors however, as for the little ones we may have to hold off for a few weeks until Abbey can gain her strength.  We need to keep her healthy and strong.

We will be visiting our cardiologist within a week and will need to be followed very closely.  I will send an update after our next hospital visit.  Also, when I get a chance I will send some updated photos.

Thank you for lifting us up in prayer!

All for now....

Much love, Terra

Getting Miss Abigail ready for her departure

Ok...Daddy and Mommy time to go

Yes, I am completely aware how tired I look 

however, I had to post this picture

 because it was such a great moment

We woke Luke up and told him he had a 

surprise in the living room. He was so excited!!

Finally....sleep without machines beeping

Lori and Ray meeting miss Abigail

Grandpa Jim and Kendra

I usually try to stay away from writing an update when I am feeling the way I do, which is a little broken. The reason being, is that we all search for happiness right? No one feels comfortable when hearing that someone is hurting, sad and feeling broken. We all search for happiness, whether it be with our friends, family, children, work and so on. Being happy makes us feel good and hearing or being around those that are sad makes us sad. Which is why I was uncertain about writing this, I don’t like anyone to feel bad or sad for us...it’s much more rewarding to hear how great we are doing, how strong our faith is and how it’s all going to be ok. But reality is that is not how we feel “all” the time. This life hurts at times, but “it’s our life” and there will be times when we feel broken and times when we are rejoicing. Our purpose of this blog is to share our journey through it’s difficult and wonderful times.

After Abigails surgery as we were walking into the cvicu I could not help to feel as if the strength I had was completely leaving me with each step I took. When I walked through the door to see the familiar sight I felt my body give in to everything. How could anyone ever get used to it.
Also, as I mentioned before, we used to be a little stronger but after Gracie we just don’t carry the same confidence that everything is going to be ok. It just might not be ok....and I guess that is where God wants us....to be completely reliant on him...walking into to this how could you not. It’s just sometimes we don’t feel the strength and we feel like it’s just “enough” and that is where we are today.

This is a very private picture for me and I was very hesitant to put it on the blog, becuase she is in bed so vulnerable with chest tubes, breathing tubes and a total of 5 IV’s. However, it gives you a glimpse of what many families have to face....there child laying in a hospital bed. It’s like this whole seperate world in a hospital....and it’s important to realize how precious all our lives really are. When I look at Abigail here the only thing I hold onto is that I am looking at not only my child, but ultimately God’s child and although she may suffer her on earth I know God is holding her through each moment.  

The next evening while being at our baby girls bedside we heard a mother and father down the hall screaming with a desperate cry, they had just lost their 12 yr old (or so) daughter. That’s when all the walls came down as the cry was all to familiar and made me think of the day we had to let go of Gracie.  I wish we had the strength we used to have, I pray for it daily.  I know God will sustain us, it’s just hard being here right now.
Abigail~now has pretty much all her tubes and lines out and is just trying to adjust to her repair.  We have had a few setbacks and have struggled watching her loose complete interest in feeding, she struggles just to get an ounce down,  she has lost over 1 1/2 lbs, her eyes are sunken in and her body is so frail.  We had just 8 days of what it felt like to have a “healthy” baby who was completely thriving, making baby sounds, eating, and sleeping.  It’s hard to see her so different  now, it just breaks our hearts to be back to this place.   
One of the many difficult things we are now dealing with is knowing that we are going to be back  here in less than three months to go through the same thing except next time it will be a full repair which will be even harder on her sweet little body.


Our dear sweet friends the Nelsons shared this on our blog the other day...
“Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD 

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; 

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be fain.” -Isaiah 40:30-31
I keep it close to my heart..thank you for sharing.  You guys are inspiration and we love!

Please continue in helping us pray for Abigails healing and also for mine and Adam’s heart to stay guarded and fixed on the Lord.

Thank you for checking in and for pouring all your love out.

Lot’s of love, Terra

Just Back From Surgery

Praise God Abbey is just out of surgery. We just got done meeting with Dr. Hanley and they were able to complete the AP Window and he was also got rid of the two collateral arteries that were providing the majority of the blood flow to the lungs without going on bypass(helping in the recovery process). With the AP Window all of the blood flow is now going through the Pulmonary Arteries, which we hope will promote growth of the pulmonary arteries. The wait as always was difficult, but we fell very blessed that she is out of surgery and is stable. Today was our sixth open heart surgery with three children, and each one has been just as difficult for us, but with God's comfort, your prayers and the support we recieve from all of you we are able to continue to get through each of these. We are going to see her now and will keep you all posted, please keep Abbey in your prayers as we now face the next step, which is the difficult recovery process.

Thank you!!!

Adam

Surgery postponed until tomorrow

We just received notice that Dr. Hanley (our surgeon) has a case that is going to take all day and he will not be able to take Abigail until tomorrow afternoon.  Sigh.  We will keep you posted.  

We deeply thank you for all your loving comments, thoughts and prayers.  

Lifes greatest blessings and trials

Preserving through life's trials is not always easy, but without the belief  that God is sovereign and knowing that his ultimate plan will shine through any circumstance, it is this that is carrying us through this very difficult time.  We just found out today that Abigail is going to have open heart surgery tomorrow afteroon.  Not only was this devastating news, we also found out that this will only be a temporary fix until her corrective repair in three months.  We will fix our minds on...God says do not worry about anything, but with prayer and supplication make your requests known to God and then the peace of God will guard your hearts and minds.

Phillipians 4:6-7  With that being said we ask that you would include our sweet princess in your prayers.

Please pray for~

-God to guide the hands of the surgeon (Dr. Hanley)  and all who will be involved in the surgery

-For God to hold Abigail in his hands and protect her little body

-For Adam and I as we feel so very weak and heartbroken that we will once again be facing another open heart surgery for our little child once again.

Your prayers and support have always been such a blessing to our family, thank you.  We will do our best to update as soon as we can. Abigail will be second case so it may be a late afternoon surgery.  

Little bit of information on our week since Abigails arrival.

Monday August 17th:

We enjoyed a great dinner with our family who all came out to be with us for little miss Abigails arrival.

Thank you to everyone for being here for us and for loving us the way you do! We love you!

Tuesday:

"A Blessed Day"  At 10:05 we heard the first cry of our new little princess.  All I can remember is Adam jumping out of the chair to see his baby girl and the tears streaming down my face.  During my last c-section I was put to sleep and did not get to experience the great joy of hearing the kids come into this world.  So, I was extremely excited when Miss Abigail let out her first cry.  Then it was followed with the nurse saying, "She's beautiful-8 lbs(I knew the ice cream would help :) and she has a full head of hair."  Seconds later they brought her near my face and I was able to kiss her her head and Adam and I instantly fell in love with our new little blessing.  Adam followed the nurses to the NICU and I followed shortly there after (passing a big cheering section-our family :)  and was wheeled on my bed directly into the

NICU (what an amazing experience) to hold my baby girl.  I wish I could share with you how much that moment meant to me.  

THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS BLESSING YOU ENTRUSTED TO US

Our new little blessing

Abigail Elyse Chez

8lbs 19 1/2 inches

Wednesday:Such a special day!  Luke came in to meet his baby sister.  His eyes were beaming and he kept saying Hi Baby Abigail...while rubbing her hair and kissing her forehead.  Once again tears filled my eyes as thoughts of Gracie continued to run through my mind...Gracie would of loved to meet her sissy and now Luke once again has a sissy here on earth with him.  Someone to love on like he did with Gracie~Someone to share his love until he meets up with Gracie in Heaven.

Thursday and Friday:  Sweet baby girl had her first procedure a CT Scan which in the end the results were not as clear as we hoped so we scheduled a Catheterzation for Monday.  Once the scan was done we were able to spend quite time with her.

During this time Grandma Laura and Grandma Marsha have been with us every minute and have been more than amazing with their strength, love and dedication.  They have been spending time with Abigail and of course day in and day out with Luke.  Luke is running the show with his Grandmas and needs serious boot camp when we return home...No words will every be big enough to express how much we appreciate our moms.  WE LOVE YOU!

Saturday and Sunday:Were quite and we enjoyed time holding, feeding, loving and caring for our sweet baby girl.

With our recent life events I have continuously been praying for God to help us fix our eyes on eternity and to live cherishing each moment.   Life is to precious to worry about what tomorrow will hold.  So we try to cast all our burdens on God and trust in him.  So we did our best during the week to live in the moment and love on our baby girl.

Now here we are today Tuesday the 25th awaiting Abigails surgery tomorrow.  This is when living in the moment becomes difficult.  This is when the fear sets in with the hurt.  When I look at Abigails innocent little body knowing that tomorrow she will have open heart surgery...the thought makes us want to just fall apart.  After this surgery and the additional weeks in the hospital we will look so forward to coming home as a family and going back to cherishing all those special moments.....again we appreciate all the prayers we can get tomorrow.

All our love,

The Chez Family